OUR STORY
Do you believe that God wants to help you heal your marriage? If you have been praying for this, don’t give up. Hang in there because it is worth it. I am not a counselor and don’t claim to be. My marriage needed a new start from separation to healing.
I just want to tell you my story and how my marriage was healed by the grace of God. If you are in an abusive relationship you should see a counselor to be advised on what to do.
LET ME START FROM THE BEGINNING
When I was a teenager I had my first child and never married my son’s father. Years later I met my husband. He had been married and divorced for about 7 years prior to us meeting.
We combined our family, his son 9 and my son 8. Combining our family was hard. We should of gone to counseling to learn how to cope with the problems that arose. Instead we depended on ourselves instead of God.
WAS IT TOO LATE
My husband and I fought about everything. Everything he did got on my nerves because I was filled with anger. We finally decided to go to counseling but at this point it was too late. I had high expectations for my him and he just didn’t measure up in my eyes. Expecting him to know what my needs were and for him to fulfill them became an impossible task for him.
When he couldn’t figure out what I wanted on his own, I became selfishly angry. Depending on him for my happiness was where I messed up.
IT WAS TIME TO SEPARATE
At this point I decided it was time to separate. I moved about 4 hours away. We tried once a month to visit each other until my husband made it clear that I come home or we get a divorce and quit talking to me. Could we go from separation to healing at this point?
Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
ALL OF MY DREAMS OF A “PERFECT” MARRIAGE WAS GONE
I was upset, scared and stubborn. What do I do now? All of my dreams of a “perfect” marriage was gone! Questioning myself, “What did I do wrong”?
Later that day I was watching the 700 Club (which I neeever watch) and something happened. They were saying that if you are separated then you should work things out.
I started questioning God saying, “Who me? Rodney and I just tried working this out God and look what happened. We messed things up. I don’t see this going from separation to healing at this point.
My husband doesn’t understand my needs, I control him by making him feel guilty, etc.. What good could possibly come out of this”?
Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
We were heading for divorce when God showed up.
Realizing that God was in control, I started praying and calling out to God for help! Trying to obey God, I decided to go home to my husband. God also forgave me when I asked Him for forgiveness. Is there really hope that we could go from separation to healing?
Praying that God would change me was exactly what I needed so I got down on my knees and prayed for God to reveal what I needed to change. God revealed it to me quickly! Boy did He reveal it to me.
I had a list of things that I needed to change. Here I thought my husband was in the wrong (which he played a part) but I had to change myself too.
I took 2 things at a time to focus on so I didn’t get overwhelmed. The first two things that I focused on was changing how I reacted to my husband and not depending on him to make me happy. Finally, I was feeling like I was doing something right.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Our next step
Next I started praying for my husband. God started softening my heart. I started seeing the good in my husband. He is patient with me, he is good at calming me down, he is tender, he is trustworthy and content with little.
My husband loves me unconditionally. He knows how to confront me gently when showing me what is right, he is funny, giving and kind. Now, I want you to understand that he hasn’t always been this way.
GOD CHANGED US
God has changed him and has made him into the man that he intended him to be. I have also changed. As we grew closer to God, we grew closer to each other.
I have fallen completely in love with him again. It is better than I could of imagined. Now don’t get me wrong, we still have issues in our marriage. We just disagree in a different way.
We still have arguments but it’s now like it was before. I fight through prayer now by creating a prayer journal. Writing down prayers is how I fight for my husband.
A NEW START FROM SEPARATION TO HEALING
Each day I pray for my husband and have added new things to pray for him. He had no idea that I had been doing this. I love my husband so much!
My husband is worth fighting for and so is your husband. He jokes and says he gets to be right a few days of the year (on his birthday). I need to work on that, ha ha.
We extended our family.
Our family grew. We tried for years to get pregnant and finally had a girl. Later we become foster parents and adopted a girl. Find out about our adoption here.
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Rekindle your marriage
Last but not least, go out on dates with your husband. You both deserve this and need to keep the spark alive.
Mark on your calendar a date night and stick with it. Do this once or twice a month. If you don’t have family to watch them, then barter with someone.
You can pay a babysitter or ask friends or family to help out. If you can’t afford to go out then get creative. Walking around a park still counts as a date!
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Things to help your marriage:
- Strive to be more like God
- Depending on him to make you happy is not okay
- Ask for God to reveal what you need to change
- Go out on dates with your husband
- Don’t talk bad about your husband
- Dress up for him
- Listen before you talk – Tame the tongue
- Do things for your husband
- Read the Bible daily
- Pray with your husband
- Seek godly counsel if you have to
This is us:
This is God’s fight not yours. When we fight with our husband then we loose. I am tired of loosing. Give it to God and watch Him work. This is my new start from separation to healing.
I still continue to pray for my marriage. Satan is here to tear our marriages apart. You will go through good and bad times. We as Christians are not promised an easy life once you accept Christ.
We are promised that God is our refuge when our life is not easy (Psalm 46:1-11). He is there to walk with us to help get us through. If life was easy once we accepted Christ then there would be no need for God anymore. We need Him and He is there for us always!
I would love to hear you story. If you have a success story let me know. Also, if you are in the midst of hurting, you can leave a comment below so I can pray for you.
This is a real picture of me and my husband.
*EDIT: I talk about if your husband is a believer that God can do anything. I also believe that even if your husband isn’t a believer that God can work miracles.
Kim thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. Never worry if someone critiques you. We went through a huge struggle and fallout in our marriage too until God got a hold of us. Today we have been married 37 years, all because of God. He truly is for our marriages and will meet us when we surrender. Thank you for this incredibly beautiful post. ❤
Thank you for these kind words. By God’s grace we were healed. That is awesome that you have been married that long! We have been married 23 years now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Beautiful touching post. I needed to hear this.
Thank you.