Should we adopt a foster child?

Should we adopt a foster child?

by | May 9, 2020 | Family

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A FOSTER MOM

When I was a teenager I went to a Christian camp. I met a lot of people while I was there every year and I noticed that a handful of kids each year were foster children. Many of them became my friends and became a shoulder for them to lean on as we kept in contact with each other. That is when I decided to foster and adopt once I became older. Should I adopt a foster child?

It’s funny how our life experiences and a compassion for others have challenged me and changed the course of my life. If I never had gone to that camp, I wouldn’t be where I am today. We arose to that challenge and adopted one of our foster kids and are proud to call her our daughter.

CAN I CONVINCE MY FIANCE TO BECOME A FOSTER DAD

Fast forward 15 years later. I went on a date with my now husband. On one of our first dates, I told him that whoever marries me will have to agree to foster with me. He agreed he would and I was hooked. We had been married a few years and I brought it back up again. He said he was not ready to start this process yet.

A few years passed and I brought it back up again. He still wasn’t ready. I became frustrated and began to give up. Years went by and one day my husband said, ” I’m ready to do it.” I said, “Do what?” He let me know that he was ready to foster. This made me so excited that I started jumping around with joy!!!!!

I called DFACS and set up our first class. They asked us to draw our “perfect” child that we would like to foster. We drew a picture and then they explained that there isn’t a “perfect” child. DFACS wanted us aware that it wasn’t always easy dealing with other peoples children since they weren’t raised with the same rules and values as our family.

OUR CHALLENGES BEGAN

They were correct because we had a few challenges. Our first foster child was 17 and whew it was tough. She aged out a few weeks later and we received a 2 year old. He was so full of joy and cute. You have to develop thick skin and realize that the ultimate goal is to reunite their family. It doesn’t always work out but that is the goal.

We knew that we wanted to adopt a girl to be raised with my oldest daughter so she wouldn’t be the only girl. One of my foster parent friends had this beautiful little girl that she was fostering. She was feisty and didn’t let anyone run over her. I fell in love with her. My friend knew that if she came up for adoption that she wasn’t going to adopt her.

Right then we started trying to foster her so we would be the first person in line that could adopt her. Finally, she was moved into our home. She had visits with her biological mom for 2 years. I went to those visits and it was hard to watch knowing that they might be reunified together. Once you become emotionally attached to that child it is hard to let go. Know this going into fostering because it hurts when they leave. Remember that you have made a difference in their life.

TERMINATING PARENTS RIGHTS ARE EMOTIONAL

When her mom’s rights were terminated we adopted her. It was bitter sweet. I felt for my daughter and her mom. Her mom loved her but just wasn’t capable of taking care of her. Star’s mom begged me to adopt her and I agreed to it. She didn’t know that I had planned on it anyway if things didn’t work out for her. The adoption didn’t come without challenges.

CHALLENGES TO OVERCOME WHEN YOU ADOPT A FOSTER CHILD

Fostering is a good and hard thing to do. There were many challenges that we had to overcome. Many days when she became older she let me know that I wasn’t her real mom. Staying patient I assured her that I was her mom and she was stuck with me. It hurt but I knew it was said out of anger, neglectful feelings and hurt. I told her that she might not of come out of my tummy but she is my daughter from the heart.

These are some of the things that you might deal with when you adopt a foster child. Please don’t let that scare you into not giving it a try.

She was worried about her mom because she was homeless. Her memory was about them living on the streets and sleeping on the ground. My daughter wanted her mom to live with us so her mom would have food. I kept hurting for her. As time went on she talked about her mom less and less. Now she rarely mentions her. I told her that when she becomes an adult that we would find her and let them meet again. It will be hard for me but it’s not about me.

WE FINALLY BONDED

After quite some time we finally bonded. She loves to cuddle up in my lap even though she is about the same size as me. We love swimming and walking together. One day while we were walking, I was telling her about how a boy named Joseph that was sold into slavery by his brothers. All of a sudden it hit me. She can completely relate to him because she was taken away from her family just as he was taken away.

They both mourned for their parents and family. He had a greater purpose for the suffering that he went through. I know she has a greater purpose that will be revealed to her later. If she would of stayed with her mom then maybe she wouldn’t of ever experienced God like she has and will in the future. She can share the love of God with her mom. God will lead her and she will do great things! Who knows, maybe she will adopt a foster child because she understands them. She has been a blessing to us and we love her. Starlynn is in the blue and white dress in the picture below:

Our family without our boys.
Star’s DFACs caseworker Mrs. Samantha.

If you want to make a difference in someones life, become a foster parent. You don’t have to be married and a child needs you! What if you foster and find a child that needs adoption? Think of how you can change that child’s life and be the one to make that their life’s journey change! It might be hard but it is definitely rewarding! Ask yourself, should we adopt a foster child and see where your life takes you.

There is hope after a devastating miscarriage

There is hope after a devastating miscarriage

by | Apr 20, 2019 | Faith

Finding out I was pregnant

There is hope after a devastating miscarriage.  Below is my story of what I went through, how I overcame it and how you can overcome a devastating miscarriage too.

Throwing up became my morning routine.  This feeling was all too familiar because I had been pregnant before.  I wasn’t trying to become pregnant so it shocked me.  The next day I took a pregnancy test and yep, it was positive!  I started preparing myself mentally for diaper changes, no sleep and preparing bottles.

What is happening to my babies

One day while I was at work, I started bleeding so I went to the emergency room. The nurses rushed me to the back and did an ultra sound to see if the baby was okay.  I remember very vividly the look on her face as she was doing the ultra sound.  It scared me to death!

She quietly informed me that I was having twins. Twins! How could this be?  I hadn’t taken fertility pills so I sat back to take it all in.  Once I pulled myself together I asked her why I was bleeding.  The nurse sadly turned to me and said that I was losing one if not both of my children!  My head was spinning trying to grasp all of the information that was just told to me.

Am I losing them

The nurse showed me the ultra sound.  It appeared to have a spider web look to it.  She explained that it looked cancerous. Now I really was losing my mind.  It was a lot for me to consume all in one sitting.  Excited about having twins and now finding out that they might be taken from me. Why God?  These are my babies, mine I tell you!   I want to get to know them, hold them and love on them.  Anger set in knowing that the doctors might have to do a DNC.

Later the doctor came in and read my charts and ultra sound.  He gently sat down to tell me what was going to happen.  The doctor told me to go to my OB/GYN to discuss having a DNC because I was losing the babies and I could have cancer in my uterus.

Left alone to process everything

He left the room as I sat silently alone to deal with the information that was just handed to me.  I knew I was pregnant and had a chance to process that information.  Finding out I was pregnant with twins and losing them was a different story. Would I ever get over this?

A few days later I went to my OB/GYN and they agreed that it was in my best interest to have a DNC.   The procedure was done a week later.  I remember laying on the hospital bed and the hand rails being so cold.  Everything around me was cold.  No one was allowed to be back there with me so the loneliness consumed me. They rolled me back and removed everything that they thought was cancerous.

Once I came home I became numb to everything.  Weeks went by and I ached for my babies. Days went on where I sobbed from the emptiness that I felt.  I didn’t even know the gender of these precious babies.  How could I ever move forward?  Eventually, the doctor had to give me antidepressants just to cope.  There will be hope after a devastating miscarriage.

There is hope after a devastating miscarriage

Years went by as I had placed my sadness in the back of my thought process. Different things would come up that would remind me of them.  I thought, how am I going to get through this.

A friend of mine had gone through a similar event and she was going to a support group. She shared something amazing with me. My friend told me to pick out a gender for each child and name them.  Next, put their name on balloons.  Then, go outside and release the balloons to heaven as a gesture that I am giving them back to God.

She said they are waiting for me in heaven.  I broke down with tears of joy and agreed to do this.  Quickly I chose names for them.  Their names are Brittany and Brianna and they are my girls.  My girls!  Releasing the balloons made me instantly feel connected to them!  There is hope after a devastating miscarriage.

I will meet them one day in heaven

Something that I had never thought about was that I would see them AGAIN IN HEAVEN! Praise God for this! They are healthy and happy.  When I get to heaven I will run to them and scoop them up to let them know how much I love them and have missed them.  I still get sad sometimes because my other children didn’t get to know them.

I just look up to heaven and praise God for those little humans that He gave me for such a short time.  They were His to begin with and I have to remember that. You know God lost His son too and He was sad.  Jesus is our Savior and the only way to get to heaven is through Him.

If you haven’t accepted Him as your Lord and Savior the time is now.  Find a church near you and ask to speak to their minister/pastor.  I have such a deep passion for you to know my God, who is all loving, knowing and forgiving!  Become reunited with your loved ones in heaven, especially if you have lost a child whether through a miscarriage or death. God is with you always!

God blessed us with a child after losing hope after a devastating miscarriage

Later, I had to take infertility to become pregnant with my beautiful daughter.  Yes there was only one child this time.  Go figure that.  Then we fostered and adopted our other daughter. I have a step-son, son, daughter and adopted daughter now.  We are complete!  Fostering and adopting can be a great thing if you can’t have kids.

God can heal you

There is hope after a devastating miscarriage. God can heal your heart if you let Him.  Try doing what I did and you name your child.  Place their name on a balloon and let it go.  Something about the balloon floating up to God heals your heart.  This is how you can find closure.  Remember that you will see your child in heaven one day in you are a Christian.

If you are going through this and need someone to talk to then leave a comment below.  It is never easy and your sadness will still come and go but that is okay too.

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