Should we adopt a foster child?
I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A FOSTER MOM
When I was a teenager I went to a Christian camp. I met a lot of people while I was there every year and I noticed that a handful of kids each year were foster children. Many of them became my friends and became a shoulder for them to lean on as we kept in contact with each other. That is when I decided to foster and adopt once I became older. Should I adopt a foster child?
It’s funny how our life experiences and a compassion for others have challenged me and changed the course of my life. If I never had gone to that camp, I wouldn’t be where I am today. We arose to that challenge and adopted one of our foster kids and are proud to call her our daughter.
CAN I CONVINCE MY FIANCE TO BECOME A FOSTER DAD
Fast forward 15 years later. I went on a date with my now husband. On one of our first dates, I told him that whoever marries me will have to agree to foster with me. He agreed he would and I was hooked. We had been married a few years and I brought it back up again. He said he was not ready to start this process yet.
A few years passed and I brought it back up again. He still wasn’t ready. I became frustrated and began to give up. Years went by and one day my husband said, ” I’m ready to do it.” I said, “Do what?” He let me know that he was ready to foster. This made me so excited that I started jumping around with joy!!!!!
I called DFACS and set up our first class. They asked us to draw our “perfect” child that we would like to foster. We drew a picture and then they explained that there isn’t a “perfect” child. DFACS wanted us aware that it wasn’t always easy dealing with other peoples children since they weren’t raised with the same rules and values as our family.
OUR CHALLENGES BEGAN
They were correct because we had a few challenges. Our first foster child was 17 and whew it was tough. She aged out a few weeks later and we received a 2 year old. He was so full of joy and cute. You have to develop thick skin and realize that the ultimate goal is to reunite their family. It doesn’t always work out but that is the goal.
We knew that we wanted to adopt a girl to be raised with my oldest daughter so she wouldn’t be the only girl. One of my foster parent friends had this beautiful little girl that she was fostering. She was feisty and didn’t let anyone run over her. I fell in love with her. My friend knew that if she came up for adoption that she wasn’t going to adopt her.
Right then we started trying to foster her so we would be the first person in line that could adopt her. Finally, she was moved into our home. She had visits with her biological mom for 2 years. I went to those visits and it was hard to watch knowing that they might be reunified together. Once you become emotionally attached to that child it is hard to let go. Know this going into fostering because it hurts when they leave. Remember that you have made a difference in their life.
TERMINATING PARENTS RIGHTS ARE EMOTIONAL
When her mom’s rights were terminated we adopted her. It was bitter sweet. I felt for my daughter and her mom. Her mom loved her but just wasn’t capable of taking care of her. Star’s mom begged me to adopt her and I agreed to it. She didn’t know that I had planned on it anyway if things didn’t work out for her. The adoption didn’t come without challenges.
CHALLENGES TO OVERCOME WHEN YOU ADOPT A FOSTER CHILD
Fostering is a good and hard thing to do. There were many challenges that we had to overcome. Many days when she became older she let me know that I wasn’t her real mom. Staying patient I assured her that I was her mom and she was stuck with me. It hurt but I knew it was said out of anger, neglectful feelings and hurt. I told her that she might not of come out of my tummy but she is my daughter from the heart.
These are some of the things that you might deal with when you adopt a foster child. Please don’t let that scare you into not giving it a try.
She was worried about her mom because she was homeless. Her memory was about them living on the streets and sleeping on the ground. My daughter wanted her mom to live with us so her mom would have food. I kept hurting for her. As time went on she talked about her mom less and less. Now she rarely mentions her. I told her that when she becomes an adult that we would find her and let them meet again. It will be hard for me but it’s not about me.
WE FINALLY BONDED
After quite some time we finally bonded. She loves to cuddle up in my lap even though she is about the same size as me. We love swimming and walking together. One day while we were walking, I was telling her about how a boy named Joseph that was sold into slavery by his brothers. All of a sudden it hit me. She can completely relate to him because she was taken away from her family just as he was taken away.
They both mourned for their parents and family. He had a greater purpose for the suffering that he went through. I know she has a greater purpose that will be revealed to her later. If she would of stayed with her mom then maybe she wouldn’t of ever experienced God like she has and will in the future. She can share the love of God with her mom. God will lead her and she will do great things! Who knows, maybe she will adopt a foster child because she understands them. She has been a blessing to us and we love her. Starlynn is in the blue and white dress in the picture below:
If you want to make a difference in someones life, become a foster parent. You don’t have to be married and a child needs you! What if you foster and find a child that needs adoption? Think of how you can change that child’s life and be the one to make that their life’s journey change! It might be hard but it is definitely rewarding! Ask yourself, should we adopt a foster child and see where your life takes you.